August 19, 2014

Episode 61: I am Grossly Overpaid! Groot!

Click Me Well, look at that. We're at our 61st episode already. That's no small feat, given that I'm starting to rack up mortal enemies. Take the film office for a certain southwestern metropolis, for example. I hear that someone over there considers me formidable, or, at least, enough of a threat to shut out my sources down there. I feel so important!

This week's co-host is Friend o' the Show Clint Wells, who, for reasons yet unclear, has decided to play the Kim Kardashian Hollywood mobile game until he either reaches A-list status or spends all his money. Thinking of picking up the game yourself? Be warned. It's addictive. And not necessarily in a good way. Let Clint fill you in.

  • In celebration of The Expendables 3: How to hire your own real-life expendable, for less than seven figures
  • How much Vin Diesel likely earned for his three-word part in Guardians of the Galaxy
  • How the media seemed to know in advance that Lauren Bacall was preparing to shed her very hot mortal coil
  • And yet another installment of my new segment, Things I Learned From Watching The Strain!

Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask via the handy feedback module to the right.

August 11, 2014

Episode 60: The sexiest hell on Earth

c/o Flickr/Tokyo Times
Click MeWelcome to Episode 60 of my show!

A listener has written in asking why "all" of the celebrities are currently on Ibiza, that sexy Mediterranean island that features eight Scandinavian models for every fake Rockefeller in a sweaty silk shirt. In this latest episode, I reject the premise of this question. "All" of the celebrities are not currently in Ibiza. All of the single, horny celebrities with an Instagram account are in Ibiza. And they're attracting others of their kind. It's kind of like Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; they're building they're own little nation out there, and the rest of us are just endangered humans whose only advantage is higher cognitive brain function.


Wondering why Hollywood is foisting two Hercules movies on us at the same time? Why not one Hercules movie, one Ajax the Lesser movie? Why not throw Orpheus a bone, for chrissakes? Turns out, Hollywood has a long history of releasing two movies with the same theme at the same time. And there are reasons for that. I reveal 'em.


I get to the bottom of what I call the Endless Tentpole Mystery. You tell me whether it's a conspiracy. (It's a total conspiracy.)

And finally!

I explain, once and for all, why you should never, ever feel sorry for a celebrity who gets photographed by paparazzi after getting her hair did.

Got a question about how celebrities really live? Ask in the feedback module to the right.

July 29, 2014

Episode 59: 1 of 2 good things from Comic-Con & the celeb wedding dish Tom Cruise wishes would go away

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Limited-Color Palette Wonder
Woman courtesy of Zack Snyder
That's a long headline up there. Deal with it. It's a jam-packed podcast, and that's what happens when you record a jam-packed podcast that's jam-packed with jammy-packy dish.

For instance: My co-host this week is none other than Harmony Walton of the Bridal Bar, the celebrity wedding planning company that knows more secrets about star nuptials than pretty much every other person on the planet. You all wrote in with questions about said weddings: Do stars really marry for profit? Who really handles their guest lists? How many marriages are fake? 

And we answer. So there's that. 

Plus! One of you wanted to know if anything really worth your time happened at Comic-Con. I found precisely two things.

And! The next time your officemate insists that Kim Kardashian's new mobile game is set to make $200 million, tell your officemate to shut her dirty, lying mouth, because it's not even close to true. And I have the numbers to back that claim up.


Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask via the handy feedback module to the right.

July 22, 2014

Episode 58: Mermaids are totally real

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No they're not. But in my latest podcast, my co-host delves deep into the world of fake documentaries, particularly Animal Planet's amazing two-part "scientific" series that drew millions of Americans in the wild, wonderful and completely fake world of fish people. The Nerd Out's Lisa Jenkins admits she's kinda mesmerized by what Animal Planet has accomplished...and reveals just how devious such shows can be.


A listener writes in to ask whether anyone who has ever worked as a production assistant ever gets anywhere in this cruel business of show. The answer is: Yes. There is hope for you, Mother of a Son Who Just Quit College and Moved to Los Angeles.


We ponder why tentpole movies seem to be getting longer. Or are they? Or do I maybe need to do more research on this?


We introduce a new segment bound to please fans of horror or genre TV in general. And Jenkins offers a basketful of celebrity sightings. (If you're headed to Los Angeles and are wondering where the smart celebs really go hiking, this is the episode for you.)

Have a listen.

Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask me via the handy feedback module to the right.

July 21, 2014

Robert de Niro's hotel just choppered in a new hot tub

From the flack for the nearly-complete Nobu Villa in Las Vegas:

The final element needed for completion of the world’s first Nobu Hotel, the onsen tub was carefully placed on its home perched high above the lights of Las Vegas on the terrace of the lavish 10,300 square-foot Nobu Villa. The ultimate sky-top lodging, the Nobu Villa is luxurious and plush yet maintains a relaxed and modern look and feel. In addition to the Zucchetti KOS mini pool, the Nobu Villa’s notable outdoor space offers an expansive 4,700 square-foot terrace overlooking the center of the Las Vegas Strip with sweeping views, robatayaki grill and zen garden. The three-bedroom villa is the epitome of relaxation and luxury. 

The five-person hot tub is Italian. Because, of course.

July 20, 2014

I ain’t laughin'

He was a clean-cut lady killer in an era when handsome usually meant Neanderthal jaws and inexplicable facial hair. Like every other private dick, he had a gun, but he rarely needed to take it out of his cookie jar. And when other TV networks raked in the ratings with Charlie’s Angels-esque jigglievision and bionic supermen, he was unapologetically nuanced and vulnerable. 

I speak of Jim Rockford, the tragicomic TV icon embodied so deftly—dare I even say elegantly?—by one of entertainment’s most gentle of trickster gods, James Garner. Garner died Saturday at 86. 

Wiser folk know that Garner was more than just his seminal 70s-era dramedy series. He was Maverick. He was the Greatest of Escapers. He was in The Notebook, for chrissakes, and came away just as unscathed as Ryan Gosling, not that many of the tweens noticed. Media historians celebrate him as one of the first actors to excel in both TV and film, both comedy and drama, long before the Matthew McConaugheys would swoop in and swagger along the road that Garner helped pave for them.

But it’s the Rockford character that I cherish the most, and not just because of Garner’s portrayal. If you haven’t seen The Rockford Files, or, at least, the best episodes in the 6-season series, you’re missing out. 

July 14, 2014

Episode 57: Know thine Emmy

Click MeThe Emmy nominations are out! And they're as confusing and poorly reasoned as an episode of The Strain

But fret not, TV watchers. You have questions about why the nominations came down the way they did, and I have answers. This whole episode is dedicated to your queries about the 66th Annual Emmy Awards. Bonus points to me for managing to mention Murder She Wrote, Cher and Julia Duffy in an episode that–I swear–was taped in 2014. Yesterday, in fact.

Wondering how Martin Freeman qualifies as a supporting actor for Sherlock but as a lead in Fargo? I found out for you. 

Confounded by the fact that Jon Hamm looks like he does, and acts like he does, and still has no Emmys? There's a reason for that. And I deliver it unto you.

Or maybe you're just in the mood for a truly greedy little blind item. I've got a great one for you this week. Short version: TV hosts aren't exactly brilliant in the math department.


Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask me in the handy feedback module to the right.