September 16, 2014

Episode 63: Keep on earnin' and earnin' and earnin'!

Click Me No, people. No, Matthew McConaughey is not hurting for money. Sure, he earned an upfront salary of only $200,000 for Dallas Buyers Club—not nearly enough to keep an A-lister in marijuana and bongos. And yes, he just shot a commercial for Lincoln, part of a multi-year deal that seems—seems—to demote him to the farm leagues, warming the B-list benches with the likes of The Silver Fox

But all that does not mean that McConaughey is somehow lurching into the same financial straits as, say, a Nic Cage. He's Alright Alright Alright. I swear. In this latest episode, I explain precisely why megastars like him are shilling for cars that haven't been cool since 1989. And doesn't necessarily have anything to do with desperation.

Also in this episode!
  • Baby Vegas is back and has his own Joan Rivers story. I, however, have a better Joan Rivers story.
  • I explain why stars keep taking nekkid photos, even though we civilians don't even take nekkid photos anymore.
  • Your letters! Read aloud! In a brand-new segment of Burn After Reading!
  • And so much more.
Have a listen.

Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask me in the handy feedback module to the right.

September 11, 2014

Episode 62: Hollywood caste-ing

Click MeWhen it comes to red carpet events, Hollywood is kinda like India: There's a caste system. The brahmins at the top get to arrive whenever they want, diss whoever they want, talk to the masses, or not. And the untouchables--fledgling pop singers, wannabe reality sensations, regional beauty queens--scrape and hustle for whatever they can get. A lot goes on behind the scenes of a movie premiere or awards-show arrival schedule. And in this, my latest episode, I break it all down: Why do you hear from some stars when others remain silent? Why does one star arrive 30 minutes earlier than another if they're in the same movie? And why was McDreamy ever relegated to the untouchables category?

What else can you look forward to in this edition? How about...
  • The real reasons why Angelina Jolie was able to keep her wedding so quiet, starring this week's co-host and celebrity wedding insider Harmony Walton of The Bridal Bar
  • The totally obvious reason why Bill Gates challenged Ryan Seacrest to the ice bucket challenge
  • Why every woman on the planet owes a thank-you to Joan Rivers 
Have a listen.

Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask me via the handy feedback module to the right.

August 25, 2014

The bad news: No podcast this week

The good news: I'll be live Tweeting the Emmys!

Come bathe in the up-to-the-second dissing of network sitcoms with me, the person in the photo!

See you there.

Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask via the handy feedback module to the right.

August 19, 2014

Episode 61: I am Grossly Overpaid! Groot!

Click Me Well, look at that. We're at our 61st episode already. That's no small feat, given that I'm starting to rack up mortal enemies. Take the film office for a certain southwestern metropolis, for example. I hear that someone over there considers me formidable, or, at least, enough of a threat to shut out my sources down there. I feel so important!

This week's co-host is Friend o' the Show Clint Wells, who, for reasons yet unclear, has decided to play the Kim Kardashian Hollywood mobile game until he either reaches A-list status or spends all his money. Thinking of picking up the game yourself? Be warned. It's addictive. And not necessarily in a good way. Let Clint fill you in.

  • In celebration of The Expendables 3: How to hire your own real-life expendable, for less than seven figures
  • How much Vin Diesel likely earned for his three-word part in Guardians of the Galaxy
  • How the media seemed to know in advance that Lauren Bacall was preparing to shed her very hot mortal coil
  • And yet another installment of my new segment, Things I Learned From Watching The Strain!

Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask via the handy feedback module to the right.

August 11, 2014

Episode 60: The sexiest hell on Earth

c/o Flickr/Tokyo Times
Click MeWelcome to Episode 60 of my show!

A listener has written in asking why "all" of the celebrities are currently on Ibiza, that sexy Mediterranean island that features eight Scandinavian models for every fake Rockefeller in a sweaty silk shirt. In this latest episode, I reject the premise of this question. "All" of the celebrities are not currently in Ibiza. All of the single, horny celebrities with an Instagram account are in Ibiza. And they're attracting others of their kind. It's kind of like Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; they're building they're own little nation out there, and the rest of us are just endangered humans whose only advantage is higher cognitive brain function.


Wondering why Hollywood is foisting two Hercules movies on us at the same time? Why not one Hercules movie, one Ajax the Lesser movie? Why not throw Orpheus a bone, for chrissakes? Turns out, Hollywood has a long history of releasing two movies with the same theme at the same time. And there are reasons for that. I reveal 'em.


I get to the bottom of what I call the Endless Tentpole Mystery. You tell me whether it's a conspiracy. (It's a total conspiracy.)

And finally!

I explain, once and for all, why you should never, ever feel sorry for a celebrity who gets photographed by paparazzi after getting her hair did.

Got a question about how celebrities really live? Ask in the feedback module to the right.

July 29, 2014

Episode 59: 1 of 2 good things from Comic-Con & the celeb wedding dish Tom Cruise wishes would go away

Click Me
Limited-Color Palette Wonder
Woman courtesy of Zack Snyder
That's a long headline up there. Deal with it. It's a jam-packed podcast, and that's what happens when you record a jam-packed podcast that's jam-packed with jammy-packy dish.

For instance: My co-host this week is none other than Harmony Walton of the Bridal Bar, the celebrity wedding planning company that knows more secrets about star nuptials than pretty much every other person on the planet. You all wrote in with questions about said weddings: Do stars really marry for profit? Who really handles their guest lists? How many marriages are fake? 

And we answer. So there's that. 

Plus! One of you wanted to know if anything really worth your time happened at Comic-Con. I found precisely two things.

And! The next time your officemate insists that Kim Kardashian's new mobile game is set to make $200 million, tell your officemate to shut her dirty, lying mouth, because it's not even close to true. And I have the numbers to back that claim up.


Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask via the handy feedback module to the right.

July 22, 2014

Episode 58: Mermaids are totally real

Click Me
No they're not. But in my latest podcast, my co-host delves deep into the world of fake documentaries, particularly Animal Planet's amazing two-part "scientific" series that drew millions of Americans in the wild, wonderful and completely fake world of fish people. The Nerd Out's Lisa Jenkins admits she's kinda mesmerized by what Animal Planet has accomplished...and reveals just how devious such shows can be.


A listener writes in to ask whether anyone who has ever worked as a production assistant ever gets anywhere in this cruel business of show. The answer is: Yes. There is hope for you, Mother of a Son Who Just Quit College and Moved to Los Angeles.


We ponder why tentpole movies seem to be getting longer. Or are they? Or do I maybe need to do more research on this?


We introduce a new segment bound to please fans of horror or genre TV in general. And Jenkins offers a basketful of celebrity sightings. (If you're headed to Los Angeles and are wondering where the smart celebs really go hiking, this is the episode for you.)

Have a listen.

Got a question about how Hollywood really works? Ask me via the handy feedback module to the right.